When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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