God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
