She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
