there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize