Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
