We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
