I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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