THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
