I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
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