Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
