i just google imaged poop.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
