8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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