It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
