Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
