so explain again why im purple
no
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
