my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
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