i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
