no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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