If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
