So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
