I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
