i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
