walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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