if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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