She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
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