Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
