Moan for me like Helen Keller
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
