Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
She even gives head with a lisp.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
