This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
