Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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