I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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