LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
