I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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