hotel room ftw
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
it's like heaven, but drunker
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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