in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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