he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
