i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
