a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
