With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
