Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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