I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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