if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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