Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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