I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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