The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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