Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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