My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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