I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
