yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
