I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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