I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
