I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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