I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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