i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
