I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
