It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
