life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize