yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
