I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
