I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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