i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Randomize
