Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
