btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
