He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
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