What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
