Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
