I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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