I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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