Buhtt sex?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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