i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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