how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Randomize
