if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
