You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
