Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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