I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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